Found, but Never Really Lost
by news for parrots
Summary: Someone from Olivia's past finds her. mild OE. All done.
1. Chapter 1

Found, But Never Really Lost

Summary: Olivia's past comes back…to get her! Aaaaaaaah-no, I'm just kidding.  
Disclaimer: nothing is mine. So sad.  
A/N: Rating is just for some language

* * *

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Elliot almost laughed, but he didn't come out of the closet; he was up to his ears in interesting closet debris. Liv could handle her this time.

"Andrea," he heard Liv sigh as she stood up, "we told you we'd be in touch…" she trailed off. As the silence grew, he got curious. Popping out of the closet he stopped dead in his tracks.

For a moment he thought he'd lost his mind, that he'd finally cracked. There seemed to be two Livs in front in front of him, locked in a staring contest. He blinked. No one disappeared. He looked closer at the Liv in the doorway. She was younger, her hair was dark, like when Liv joined the squad, and it was in a long braid. She seemed to be a bit shorter, but then she was barefoot…nice legs- he ripped his eyes over to his Liv. She'd tensed right up, and her eyes were shining.

"What the fuck are you freaks doing?" ah, that would be Andrea. Elliot snapped out of it first to address her as she stormed into her bedroom.

"Andrea, we've already been over this."

"Ryn," Andrea yelled to the woman in the doorway, "go call my mother. She'll get them out." The woman in the doorway seemed conflicted, but then backed away out of sight.

"We are not going anywhere 'til we get what we came for." And he handed her the search warrant. Olivia bent back down behind the bed.

"This is bogus; my mother's a lawyer-"

"Yes yes, we know all that Andrea."

"Hey! Get out from there!"

"Why Andrea?" Elliot asked, holding her back, "Afraid we'll find something?" Liv's head popped above the bed,

"Aha." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She pulled a pair of sneakers out from the back corner of the bed. "Size 13." Elliot handed her an evidence bag.

"Those aren't mine!"

"Oh, we know they're Trevor's. So glad you hung onto them for him." Elliot looked the shoes over. "I like the blood on the toe here, lovely addition. Don't you think, Liv?" He looked at her; she was staring out the door, a pained expression on her face. "Right, well Andrea, I think you need to come with us." He led Andrea out of the house, hoping Liv would follow.

* * *

"Come on, let's go get a drink."

"El, I really don't feel like it tonight." He gave her a doubtful look, she relented. "Fine, but you're buying." He watched her gather her things. She'd set a new record for mood swings today. She'd gone from silent after the search to being almost hyper while they interrogated Trevor. Then he heard her yelling at someone on the phone, 'quite the mouth on that little lady,' said a passing officer. Elliot only nodded and smiled, thinking that the new guy hadn't heard anything yet. Liv had quite the impressive vocabulary. Later she passed him, almost skipping. During their second turn at Trevor she'd been truly scary. It had taken Trevor completely by surprise and he'd confessed to everything.

Elliot was now completely confused. He'd lived with his share of women to know something big was up. He had to find out what was going on inside her head.

They settled in the bar and talked about nothing for a while.

"Liv," he said seriously. She stopped laughing and looked away. "Liv, what's going on? What happened today?" She just took a big swig of her beer. "Do you know her?" Liv looked like she was going to cry. He was overcome with the urge to get her out of the bar. He paid and piled them into a cab. She didn't object when he directed the cab to her place. On the way there she took his hand and wouldn't let go.

She sat on the coach, hugging her knees. He sat a discreet distance away. He wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay, but he didn't know that. He needed to know what was going on. He broke the silence.

"Liv..." and she started crying. 'Oh, this is not good.' He thought painfully. He reached over and collected her into his arms.

Later on she seemed to be slowing down. He grabbed a box of tissues and handed them over. Eventually she looked up at him, and saw that he'd been crying too. She wiped away her tears and his. He tried again, he had to know,

"Liv," he said softly, "that woman…do you think that the same man raped her mother…" he trailed off as she shook her head.

"No Elliot…that girl," she looked up, deep into his eyes, "she's my daughter."


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: thanks for the reviews! so glad you guys are enjoying this :D  
a/n: and hope this clears some things up for you, nem :) (i figured she'd be acting a little out of character, her secret's been discovered, elliot would never have let it go in the long run (loves her too much, can see she's hurting more than normal) so i just skipped the angst a bit. besides, i'm not too good with angst :)

and now, on with the show:

* * *

Elliot gaped at her. Olivia reached up and softly pushed his mouth shut.

"Her name's Katherine Parsons, she's 21. I never told you about her because I really don't like to talk about that time of my life. I had her when I was 17; I put her up for adoption. I went back to school and pretended she didn't exist." Liv admitted. Elliot held her tighter.

"What about her father?" he asked tentatively. Just the idea that Liv had been raped put a whole new spin on her drive with her work.

"No Elliot, stop thinking that way." She knew him too well, "I wasn't raped. I was actually very happy. I was 16 and engaged, everything was going great. Peter and I were going to wait until I finished high school. He would be finished his degree then-"

"His degree? How old was this guy, Liv?"

"He was 21. He was a student in my mother's class, that's how we met." She wandered off into memories, "we were both sitting outside her office, waiting. He thought I was another student in her English class and he started asking me about the book they were reading. I had read it too, found it on my mother's shelf, so we got to talking. On the spur of the moment, he asked me to meet him for coffee the next afternoon. I, of course, agreed. He was really cute. When he left, he gave me this shy little smile. I couldn't wait for tomorrow.  
"I decided not to mention him to my mother. The next day I met him for coffee, and then we went to a movie. We went on a few more dates before things got a little serious. Then he noticed I wasn't actually in his English class, and eventually he found out how old I was. I calmed him down and he was very gallant and told me he loved me, and that he would wait for me. We kept on dating, and a few months later he showed up at my apartment one day and asked me to marry him." Liv stopped, just smiling. "He showed up with a bunch of roses, got down on one knee and proposed. I was so happy. I said yes and burst into tears as he slipped the ring on my finger." Elliot couldn't help but smile at her memory. "Then my mother came home. She walked in on us kissing. She just exploded." Fresh tears welled in Olivia's eyes. "She couldn't stop yelling. She recognized him and forbid him from seeing me. She'd get him dumped out of school, she said, he was not allowed to be near her daughter. Peter was…well, he was scared of her, and so was I. He gave me one last kiss before she ran him out of the apartment. I screamed at her that she ruined everything and stormed into my room. Last I saw she was grabbing a bottle of vodka.

"Later that night I tried to sneak out. She caught me. I told her I was going to visit my fiancé. She didn't understand.

"_Fiancé, as in 'future husband.' You may not be aware of the term." That made her mother even angrier.  
"You cannot marry that man, I forbid it!" she slurred._  
"_You don't have any say anymore, I'm 16! I can marry whomever I like! And I choose Peter."_  
"_He can't have you!" her bottle fell to the floor, breaking_  
"_You don't have any say!" Olivia was now yelling at the top of her lungs_  
"_No man can have you!" Serena rose, a piece of the bottle in her hand. Olivia backed away._  
"_Calm down, Mom." Olivia eyed the door._  
"_Don't you even think of leaving me!" And she lunged. Olivia deflected her, but Serena came at her again. This time she kicked her. Serena backed up into the wall and slid down it. Olivia knocked the glass away and checked for a pulse. It was steady, she was just asleep. Olivia took her leave as quietly as possible. _

"I went straight to Peter's, and we made love. For the first and last time. From then on my mother made his life hell. He tried to complain, but there wasn't much anyone could do. I couldn't bring myself to leave my mother either. He was a starving student, and I just had a little after school job, we had no way of supporting ourselves. By the end of the semester he couldn't take it anymore and transferred out of the state. I haven't seen him since. I was so upset. I didn't realize I was pregnant until it was too late. I left a message on his machine that I was pregnant and that I was giving the baby up. He never called me back." She dissolved again into tears. Elliot held her tight.

* * *

Elliot woke first in the morning. They'd stretched out on the couch during the night, and Olivia was practically lying on top of him. 'Best blanket ever,' he thought, and then the memories of last night came back to him. He examined her sleeping face closely. She seemed to have aged overnight, but she also had a calmness about her that he'd never felt before.

"Well?" Her voice startled him.

"Well what?"

"Do I pass inspection?"

"Yes, with flying colours."

"Good," she gave him a quick kiss as she climbed off him, "I call the shower." She paused on her way out. "Thank you for listening to me last night."

"Do you want-"

"Breakfast first, then the rest of my life, k?" She smiled at him and left.


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: hi nem :) that was actually Liv asking Elliot if _she_ passed inspection. i'll fix it as soon as i am less all over the place, but until then :)  
a/n: and i'm glad you like it, littlesweetcupcake :)

* * *

"Are you sure it's her? I mean, Andrea called her 'Ryn.'" Elliot asked Liv. They were on their way to the newest scene.

"I know it's her, I knew as soon as I saw her. But I made some phone calls anyway to check."

"That's what all that swearing was about?"

"Haha, no. That was a perp's mother being a pain. No, I called her sorority house and got her full name. It is Katherine Parsons, but that's not an uncommon name. And they didn't know her middle name."

"Why does her full name matter?"

"Because that was my one request to her parents, that her middle name be…be Olivia." They were both silent for a while. Then Elliot couldn't take waiting any longer.

"It is." She said quietly. She watched out the window for a while. "So I called her mother…"

"You're still in touch with her mother?"

"Yeah. She could see how much I loved her daughter…and wanted me to be a part of her life. It was me…I took myself out of the picture." Olivia sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Elliot didn't want to push her, even though he was bursting with questions. He settled for resting a hand on her knee. "I just knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it."

The rest of the ride was silent.

* * *

Olivia was chewing the hell out of the end of a pencil. Almost a week had gone by, and Olivia had quietly buttoned up about her daughter. Then her phone rang. 

"Benson."

"Can I meet you?" She knew instantly who it was.

"I would love that. When?"

"How about now?" And Ryn stepped around the corner.

* * *

"Where's Liv?" Fin asked 

"Lunch." Elliot answered simply. Fin started to pull out his phone. "Don't call her."

"Why not?"

"Just don't."

"Does this have something to do with that woman who came in? Long dark hair, great legs?" Elliot glared at him; 'Olivia's going to kill you if she hears you talking like that.'he thought, but Liv hadn't given him permission to talk about Ryn to anyone, so he stayed silent. Fin shrugged and went to find his own partner.

* * *

Elliot heard her come in, "how was lunch?" he asked, turning. They were both there, smiling, walking over to him. 

"Elliot, this is Kate. Kate, this is my partner Elliot." Lunch had evidently gone well.

Earlier:

They entered the deli down the street.

"So, Ryn-"

"Kate."

"What?"

"Call me Kate."

"And Ryn…?"

"Just Andrea's name for me. She declared she had too many Katie/Kate/Kath/Kathys in her life, and I needed a new name." She gave Liv a wry smile. "Fortunately it didn't catch on."

"So, Kate, how did you find me?"

"My Mom. She knew where you were." Olivia was smiling, shaking her head. "You don't seem surprised."

"Your Mom," Olivia looked a little pained saying that, "she's a wonderful person. She kept me up to date on you. Sent me photos; let me know where you were going to school. Told me about the sports competitions you'd be at." Kate was touched. It made her feel safe that someone had been looking out for her, even if she hadn't known she was there.

"Did you go?"

"To as many as I could. Even saw you win the pennant last year." They both had tears in their eyes.

"How come Mom never mentioned you?"

"She was honouring my request." At Kate's confused look she continued, "I didn't want to be in the way. I gave you away to have a better life. I was not going to mess it up for you. I told myself that you would find me when you were ready."

"Oh." They were silent for a few moments. Then Kate smiled "Well, you seem to have turned out all right."

"Hey, I think that's my line."

Lunch flew by while they caught up with each other.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, how did it go?" Elliot looked at her hopefully.

"Great, really great. She's a great girl." Liv was beaming, Elliot was smiling too, "I mean, I knew that, but now that I've met her…she's perfect. I can't believe she…" Liv shook her head. "I was not that together at her age."

"What do you mean?"

"Her mom didn't tell me everything. I knew she was a great student and all, but she's Captain of her lacrosse team, Varsity level, and she volunteers at the health clinic. And she's getting great marks, has a steady boyfriend too. I was nowhere near that well-adjusted."

"Good for her."

"I know, I'm so proud of her." Liv had the biggest grin on her face.

"And, um, she's not mad at you?" Elliot wanted to hit himself the moment he said it.

"She doesn't seem to be. I thought there'd be some resentment…maybe it's still to come…"

"Hey, hey, don't think like that. You said she was really together, I'm sure she understands why you did what you did."

"Yeah, I hope so, and she seemed okay with my reasons." Liv hoped they were right.

* * *

Olivia let Kate into her apartment a few nights later. She'd obviously been crying. Liv led her to the couch and braced herself.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Why…why did you give me up?"

"Oh honey…I'm so sorry," Liv scolded herself for not being better prepared, on some level she knew this was coming, "I was seventeen and pretty much broke. Your father had left me, and I just couldn't inflict my home life on you."

"Was it really that horrible?"

"My mother was a drunk. She was angry and depressed most of the time. There were good times, when I'd almost feel normal. But they were so few and far between that I'd lost hope of her ever changing." Olivia felt horrible for saying it, but it was true. "I needed to finish high school if I was ever going to become a cop, and I had no one to watch you while I did that. I decided the best thing for you would be to live away from me." She looked deep into Kate's eyes, "You have no idea how hard that was. Everyday I loved you more, even before you were born. And then when you were born," Liv started crying, "it hurt to hold you, to know that you weren't mine, to know that I wouldn't get to watch you grow, watch you learn, help you along the way…" Liv was crying too hard to continue. Kate just held her,

"I never should have doubted you." Kate was crying too.

"What do you mean?"

"I just, I started thinking, and it sorta went downhill from there. I was already having a bad day, and everything just looked pretty bleak. I know, I know, it's really stupid-"

"No, no, it's not stupid. And I would have wondered if you hadn't asked me." Kate nodded, both of them calmer now. They sat on the couch in silence, just breathing together.

"Do you know where my father is?"

"No, I'm sorry, I lost track of him a long time ago. He left NYU, and did his masters out of state, I think. He always wanted to work in California, but I'm not sure where he ended up. He never called me back."

"Called you back?"

"I called, and told him about you…to his machine. I know it wasn't the right way to tell him he was going to be a father, but I'd geared myself up to tell him right then, so I just…I left a message. I figured if he called me back I might rethink things. But he never did."

"Do you remember what you said?"

"Something like 'Just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant, and I'm giving the kid up.' That was pretty cold, now that I think about it. Probably didn't call me back because he didn't think there was any point."

"Don't, don't think about it. I've really had a great life, really I have. Thanks for making the effort to find a good family for me."

"How much has your mother told you?"

"Just that you grilled them pretty hard. You were very serious about it, and it touched my parents. They were determined not to fail you." Olivia was surprised to hear that.

"Fail me?"

"You are a cop, and you do realize how menacing you be, right?"

"I scared them?"

"Haha, not really, I'm joking with you. But they were touched by your determination to assure your kid a better life, and they didn't want to let you down." Olivia smiled and they were silent for a while.

"So, you believe me right?" Liv asked her, "That I've always loved you and only wanted the best for you?" Kate nodded. "No more doubts, okay?" Kate shook her head.

"Nope."

* * *

TBC - one more part to go :) 


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: last part, although I may have an addendum...

* * *

"You said you went to my schools. Did you ever see me?" Kate asked Liv once they'd settled in the coffee shop. 

"Yeah, a few times. But I only ran into you once, or rather you ran into me. When you were in grade six" Liv smiled at the memory. "I was walking down the hall of Grant Middle School with your Principal when this blur runs into me. It was you. You looked up at me and excused yourself, but I was caught completely off-guard by your eyes. I'd never seen those eyes outside of a mirror. I mumbled an 'excuse me', but you'd already run off. The principal didn't seem to notice and continued on with the tour." Kate smiled at the description and tried to remember the incident.

"Wait…you're a cop…when I was in grade six…a cop found Amy in the bathroom in grade six. Was that you?" Olivia thought back,

"Amy, molested by the science teacher?"

"Yes! That was you? You saved her?"

"Well, I found her crying in the bathroom and got her to open up to me. Not sure about 'saving' per se." Olivia remembered the day clearly.

_She'd been washing her hands at the sink when she thought she heard a noise. Shutting off the top she listened closely. There was someone else in the bathroom. Heading to the last stall, she slowly pushed the door open. A girl was curled in the corner, biting her arm to keep quiet. The sadness in her eyes broke Olivia's heart. This wasn't a 'scrape on the knee' problem. _

"_My name's Olivia. Can I come in?" She said softly. The girl stared at her, but gave a slight nod. Fortunately it was a wheelchair stall, so there was room to sit next to her. It was very quiet in the bathroom. "You can tell me what's wrong, you know. I'm a cop. I can help you." She pulled out her badge. The girl took the badge and studied it. Eventually she took a deep breath and spoke,_

"_My name's Amy." _

"_Hi Amy. Why are you sitting on the floor in the bathroom?"_

"_I don't want to go to class."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I don't want to see him."_

"_Did a boy in class hurt you?"_

"_No." she sniffed._

"_Then what's wrong?" the girl started crying again. Olivia collected her in her arms._

"_Don't let him hurt me anymore." _

"_Sweetheart, he's not going to touch you again."_

_Based on Amy's statement they quickly investigated and arrested Mr. Burke, The science teacher. She hadn't seen Amy after that._

"Oh man, you have no idea the difference you made in Amy's life. You're her hero. She is going to go ballistic when I tell her I found you." Olivia was beaming too, but she wasn't completely sure why.

"Why? What did I do?"

"That teacher, he was also her uncle. And she lived with him. No idea what happened to her parents. So when you found out what was going on, she was put into foster care. She got placed with this really cool family, with two little boys and tons of animals. Her parents are so cool, and they traveled all over the world. They took me with them a few times too. She's in premed now, at NYU. You made such a difference in her life." Kate ran out of words and just sat grinning at Olivia, who herself couldn't stop smiling. 'And to think,' Liv thought, 'all I wanted to do was check out the facilities.'

* * *

That summer: 

Liv finished setting up the picnic tables and sat down smiling. Elliot came up behind her,

"What are you grinning about?" He plonked down beside her, kissing her temple.

"I can't believe how well it's all turned out."

"Yeah, it does look pretty good." She swacked his arm.

"Not the picnic." They both laughed and turned their attention to the very silly game of soccer before them.

Olivia's daughter, Kate, had brought her boyfriend Jon. Elliot's kids were all there too, as were Maureen and Kathleen's boyfriends. Their game seemed to involve piggy back rides, two balls, and flags. But they were all happy and laughing, and that's what mattered.

"Come on kids, food's ready!"

* * *

The end :) 


End file.
